★ ( YOJI URUHA. )

[punnier]

meme here eventually

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[punnier]

[ WAUGH

Comes to a dead end I SUPPOSE, just facing him like (!!) ]

[kumeyuri]

[...]

I'm not angry, Siffrin. [...] But if you feel guilty at all, then talk to me—you owe me that much.

[punnier]

[ For a moment, they don't say anything, but their utterly exhausted expression is there and their dull gaze flicks down as thoughts bubble above in shaking letters

(owe you more than that, don't care if you kill me here too you can you deserve that too) ]

[kumeyuri]

I'm not going to kill you, Siffrin! Were you not even listening to the last thing I said to you?

[well, not that he's surprised that siffrin chose to tune it out.]

[punnier]

[ Sometimes you're just so full of wrath, boiling over rage that really did tune everything out but they're trying to remember they're trying cause they must have heard it they had to have but ]

I.. don't - [ (remember, too much in head can't think hu rts hurts) ]

[kumeyuri]

[that gets the energy to deflate from uruha, as he cautiously approaches, holding his hands out.]

... It's okay, Siffrin. You're safe here. [...] Can I touch you?

[punnier]

[ The last time they tried to convince themselves a place was "safe", a boulder trap triggered and came crashing down on them. It's almost funny. But better not to laugh like they've lost their mind.

A deep breath in, watching the cautious approach but that only makes them.. confused. Siffrin attacked, killed him with their own hands, and yet it's Uruha here.. comforting them. (you should hate me, like he does) Their brows furrow, hands flexing and tensing but the idea of touch - greedy greedy, even now they're greedy and

their hands hold out palm up. ]

[kumeyuri]

[great news uruha already has a track record of not hating his murderers. so, once he receives siffrin's response, he reaches out to take their hands.]

Just breathe.

[punnier]

[ Yeah well Siffrin's spiraling thoughts are convinced he SHOULD. But they will hold his hands, a bit clingy. Sorry. But they do take deep breaths in, and out. ]

[kumeyuri]

[it's fine. he'll wait for them for whenever they feel ready—for what exactly, he doesn't know, but for now, he waits.]

[punnier]

[ It will be a bit, trying to wrap their own frazzled thoughts under control, the execution adrenaline so fresh on their mind since Uruha REALLY CHASED HIM DOWN AFTER HIS ARRIVAL. Their head is still pounding, ringing from the ache of that pipe against it even if it's healed. ]

..I'm sorry. I.. wouldn't have.. I would never have hurt you -

[ Sucks in a breath, gaze squinting as their thoughts try to scatter through that night's memories. ] I just.. remember feeling so much anger. I..

[ (couldn't calm down, think i saw the king, or thought i did, made it worse so much worse) ]

[kumeyuri]

[look there was a real fear that if he gave siffrin space now siffrin would simply avoid him all day and they don't have time for that... they're going to be on a train together tomorrow... uruha's already afraid that marcoh is going to avoid him then, so he's dealing with the first person he's worried about right now.]

I know. It's okay. You were afflicted.

[marcoh is probably not going to forgive them for this either way but that's a separate problem. I'm not mad at you.]

[punnier]

[ Okay that's.. actually a valid thought, and would be right. Because with Siffrin's terrible headspace they would have convinced themselves so many things and avoided him forever. Ready to accept having lost him, too. ]

Even so - [ It's this part they don't like. They don't agree with. ] Part of me, when I thought about having killed.. I felt justified by it.

[ Even though they know they would never go after Uruha, hurt him, done all of.. that. Carving open his chest and taking his heart out?? As twisted as they were full of wrath, to go that extent... their shoulders dip, taking a sharper breath and gripping their hands a bit tightly. Not enough to hurt, just... a bit afraid he'll let go. ]

If I were you, I wouldn't trust me.

[kumeyuri]

[uruha is choosing not to think too hard about the part where siffrin carved his heart out, because he has no idea what to make of that—in the end, what matters is that siffrin is clearly horrified by the entire thing, regardless of what they're saying now.

...]

We all have our ugly thoughts, and they don't necessarily define all of who you are. My guess is, given how much you've been hurt, you were glad to feel some semblance of control.

[punnier]

[ That.. definitely doesn't feel good. Or make them feel any better. They're definitely frowning deeply here. ]

..Not at the cost of someone important to me. [ Would never be worth it. ]

[kumeyuri]

... This place made it so that that wasn't within your control. [...] All of the afflicted have had parts of themselves, in their kills. Or do you blame them as well for what they did?

[punnier]

..I wouldn't.

[ Of course they think of Lucas then, and as if they would ever, ever blame Lucas. me voice that boy is not okay but Siffrin loves him, accepts him wholly. ]

[kumeyuri]

[he's quiet for a bit.]

I know it's not easy to forgive yourself for, and that you can't do it soon, if ever. Just—don't avoid me, or the others.

[punnier]

[ ... ]

I just don't want anyone feeling like they're forced to deal with me. [ Just because they don't want to let go themselves. ]

[kumeyuri]

I'm the one who ran after you, aren't I?

[punnier]

[ The look of 'well, yes, but still.........' ]

[kumeyuri]

I don't do things I think I'll regret. Remember that.

[punnier]

[ A small breath in. ]

..I'll try to.

[ Remembering is.. something they can't really promise to. Promises like that always find a way of breaking. ]

[kumeyuri]

[...]

I can't help you with Marcoh, when we return. [it's not really his place to meddle with that.] But I still consider you my friend. All right?

[punnier]

[ There's an immediate shake of their head. ]

You don't need to. I've.. [ (already accepted it) ] ...

[ Okay, well, today has been a really long day and they're so tired and exhausted but to hear that Uruha still considers them his friend... yeah, they're tearing up. don't cry don't cry don't cry ]

..Okay.