★ ( YOJI URUHA. )

[punnier]

meme here eventually

Comments

[punnier]

[ Okay that's.. actually a valid thought, and would be right. Because with Siffrin's terrible headspace they would have convinced themselves so many things and avoided him forever. Ready to accept having lost him, too. ]

Even so - [ It's this part they don't like. They don't agree with. ] Part of me, when I thought about having killed.. I felt justified by it.

[ Even though they know they would never go after Uruha, hurt him, done all of.. that. Carving open his chest and taking his heart out?? As twisted as they were full of wrath, to go that extent... their shoulders dip, taking a sharper breath and gripping their hands a bit tightly. Not enough to hurt, just... a bit afraid he'll let go. ]

If I were you, I wouldn't trust me.

[kumeyuri]

[uruha is choosing not to think too hard about the part where siffrin carved his heart out, because he has no idea what to make of that—in the end, what matters is that siffrin is clearly horrified by the entire thing, regardless of what they're saying now.

...]

We all have our ugly thoughts, and they don't necessarily define all of who you are. My guess is, given how much you've been hurt, you were glad to feel some semblance of control.

[punnier]

[ That.. definitely doesn't feel good. Or make them feel any better. They're definitely frowning deeply here. ]

..Not at the cost of someone important to me. [ Would never be worth it. ]

[kumeyuri]

... This place made it so that that wasn't within your control. [...] All of the afflicted have had parts of themselves, in their kills. Or do you blame them as well for what they did?

[punnier]

..I wouldn't.

[ Of course they think of Lucas then, and as if they would ever, ever blame Lucas. me voice that boy is not okay but Siffrin loves him, accepts him wholly. ]

[kumeyuri]

[he's quiet for a bit.]

I know it's not easy to forgive yourself for, and that you can't do it soon, if ever. Just—don't avoid me, or the others.

[punnier]

[ ... ]

I just don't want anyone feeling like they're forced to deal with me. [ Just because they don't want to let go themselves. ]

[kumeyuri]

I'm the one who ran after you, aren't I?

[punnier]

[ The look of 'well, yes, but still.........' ]

[kumeyuri]

I don't do things I think I'll regret. Remember that.

[punnier]

[ A small breath in. ]

..I'll try to.

[ Remembering is.. something they can't really promise to. Promises like that always find a way of breaking. ]

[kumeyuri]

[...]

I can't help you with Marcoh, when we return. [it's not really his place to meddle with that.] But I still consider you my friend. All right?

[punnier]

[ There's an immediate shake of their head. ]

You don't need to. I've.. [ (already accepted it) ] ...

[ Okay, well, today has been a really long day and they're so tired and exhausted but to hear that Uruha still considers them his friend... yeah, they're tearing up. don't cry don't cry don't cry ]

..Okay.

[kumeyuri]

[oh, siffrin. uruha just squeezes their hands in reassurance.]

[punnier]

I'm - okay. I'm okay, really.

[ Ignores the shake in their own voice. ]

...I'm.. sorry, Uruha. I really am. I wish I could.. offer you any kind of answers. For what I did. [ (still dont remember, full of burning anger, was i hopelessly trying to save someone that could no longer be saved? dont know, i dont know. no excuse for a monster) ]

[kumeyuri]

[You're not a monster, Siffrin.]

... You weren't in your right mind. I understand that there's no real answer, any more than the others could give one.

[punnier]

..But you deserve one.

[ And they're so.. frustrated that they can't. ]

[kumeyuri]

... Things aren't always about we deserve. It's okay. I'll move on from this, and I hope that one day, even if not now, you're able to as well.