[ he shakes his head, though, and the words come out in a little bit of a rush, too, once he's heard them all. ] I'm not, either. Please - please, don't think anything less of yourself for such a thing. This week's - I'm not sure what has been going on, but I... as I'm sure you and many others have too, have felt this surge for affection that is completely unusual.
But - it's deeper than that. [ how does he get this across properly? there's a moment where he flounders again, and it reads all over his face. taair takes a breath, and out comes the secret: ]
...This is - Siffrin, this is the only the second time in my entire life I have ever been around people. Ever.
[ That quiet plea comes but Siffrin doesn't necessarily listen to it, too accustomed and used to having to deal with their own mistakes. Their own problems. Something out of pure instincts to think lesser of themselves. They frown quietly, but they nod a little. Choosing not to interrupt, but they do agree they have noticed those affectionate surges.
...But, that kind of yearning, that need for touch, it's already been there to begin with, so.. realistically, they probably wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't mentioned during the trial today. Their eye raises to watch that expression, a moment of clear hesitation, until those words murmur out to them.
[ he does smile here - soft, brief. ] It... is a long story, but to sum it up briefly, it was... supposedly for my protection. In reality, it was less for that and more to be used.
[ ... ]
One of my greatest dreams has been to have friends of my own. I longed for it, as I got older. [ his profile after all - the personality type of lonely. ] And now, finding myself here ... I've been blessed with all of you. Each day of this that has passed by has been - current conditions aside - a treasure. Each conversation, each person I've gotten to know. Let alone the easy kindness with which others reach out their hands here for each other - I find myself struggling to get used to it, and wanting it evermore all the same. It surprises me every time, too.
So... that I could have leaned into one of those affections, and hurt a friend I have only just made by being thoughtless - the thought was devastating.
[ As Taair talks, Siffrin listens, it's comforting to just have someone talk. It's nice to just listen to people talk. So they remain quiet, keeping their gaze on him as he listens, hearing him.
Their expression dips a little in a frown at the mention of his "protection" but it.. is likely not a thing now if it "was"? They don't ask, and they don't force him to share more of said story. Their gaze drops a little and they can sorta understand. Being surprised by some of the people's kindness here, the way they're willing to reach out, it's both good and...
(...) ]
It still isn't something for you to blame yourself for. You didn't know. And.. it's not like I blame you either. ..I'm glad you're able to experience new things here, good ones at that. You're a nice person, Taair. You deserve as much.
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[ he shakes his head, though, and the words come out in a little bit of a rush, too, once he's heard them all. ] I'm not, either. Please - please, don't think anything less of yourself for such a thing. This week's - I'm not sure what has been going on, but I... as I'm sure you and many others have too, have felt this surge for affection that is completely unusual.
But - it's deeper than that. [ how does he get this across properly? there's a moment where he flounders again, and it reads all over his face. taair takes a breath, and out comes the secret: ]
...This is - Siffrin, this is the only the second time in my entire life I have ever been around people. Ever.
no subject
...But, that kind of yearning, that need for touch, it's already been there to begin with, so.. realistically, they probably wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't mentioned during the trial today. Their eye raises to watch that expression, a moment of clear hesitation, until those words murmur out to them.
(..Huh?) ] Only the second..? Why?
no subject
[ ... ]
One of my greatest dreams has been to have friends of my own. I longed for it, as I got older. [ his profile after all - the personality type of lonely. ] And now, finding myself here ... I've been blessed with all of you. Each day of this that has passed by has been - current conditions aside - a treasure. Each conversation, each person I've gotten to know. Let alone the easy kindness with which others reach out their hands here for each other - I find myself struggling to get used to it, and wanting it evermore all the same. It surprises me every time, too.
So... that I could have leaned into one of those affections, and hurt a friend I have only just made by being thoughtless - the thought was devastating.
no subject
Their expression dips a little in a frown at the mention of his "protection" but it.. is likely not a thing now if it "was"? They don't ask, and they don't force him to share more of said story. Their gaze drops a little and they can sorta understand. Being surprised by some of the people's kindness here, the way they're willing to reach out, it's both good and...
(...) ]
It still isn't something for you to blame yourself for. You didn't know. And.. it's not like I blame you either. ..I'm glad you're able to experience new things here, good ones at that. You're a nice person, Taair. You deserve as much.