[WELL THAT WAS A HORRIFIC EXPERIENCE THANK YOU. Damn. This King's out here sounding like the king of Arpechele, except that guy only wants perfect and unchanging immortality for himself and his shitty family. This is somehow both better and worse at the same time? Worse in scale but better in that the guy isn't completely selfish, just insane.
Lucas is not really thinking about any of that though, he's just thinking about how he wishes he could go kill that guy himself. Witnessing the death of a child is also horrific! It is not the first time he's seen it considering where he's from, but it's horrible any time it comes up.
He's still for a few seconds after that, since the visuals and emotions and everything all combined are stunning in the worst of ways. Enough to steal the breath from anyone. He's quiet, but he eventually turns to face Siffrin more fully in a quick little sudden motion, since his conscious brain realizes that this could be highly traumatic for them to relive and he's worried.]
[ It's a horrifying scene to witness. The desperation, trying to enforce their limbs to move, to be faster than that hand that held poor small Bonnie in his grip. Willing their hand to move faster, to bring that knife up where it needs to meet. It can't stop the King. Not as frozen as they are, unable to move fast enough to strike the King down. No, there was only one option, and an option they have done with ease before.
The moment that hand crushes that small body, that knife meets the exact point at that neck that will inflict instant death upon themselves. A single cut is all it needs. Their vision darkening just as blood takes over the vision but the reflection in the mirrors are quiet now. The only sound afterward is the sound of heavy breathing, and fortunately no knife in Siffrin's hand but a hand twitches and grasps at their side like they are heavily thinking about it.
The stricken fear on their expression almost frozen. Until, that nausea ends up being too much and they just quickly turn to collapse into a small heap on the ground to empty their stomach. No, they are definitely not having a good time reliving this again. ]
Re: CW: suicide and child death mention, emetophobia
[THEY SURE AREN'T. Seeing them just collapse like that is enough to startle Lucas into almost immediate action, and he's quick to rush over and kneel by their side, not bothered by the sick. His hands hesitate for a second, extended halfway out and faltering since he doesn't want to cause them even more stress with an unexpected or unwanted touch.]
Siffrin— [He can, at least, angle his body so that they won't have any immediate way of looking at the mirrors directly in front or to the side of them, but he can only do so much when they're literally surrounded by mirrors.
He'll also at least announce:] I'm going to touch you. Let me know if you don't want me to.
[Through word or action or anything else they can think of, but he really can't just sit by and not do anything at all, so he sets a careful hand against their back and tries to support them as best he can through this initial terrible moment of illness.]
[ The announcement murmurs through the dark murky thoughts in their mind, a quiet voice. A voice that they don't register right away because that isn't... any of their family. Not Odile, Mirabelle, Isabeau or Bonnie... Who -
The careful hand comes and they flinch badly, but they don't shake it off. They don't try to scramble or move away either. They just suck a big breath in instead, shuddering. Gloved hands curl tightly against the ground, gasping another breath in again, breathing in and in and in. Lightheaded, dizzied, shaking the thoughts of their mind with quiet murmurs of
it's fine. It's okay. Nothing is happening. They've seen this before. They've seen it before. They know better. This isn't there. This isn't the meadow after. Their eye stings with tears, peering over at Lucas with a tremble in their voice. ]
...Sorry. Sorry. [ This effect is the bane of their existence. Between the last one and this. They're so sick of it and it feels like there's no escape. They wipe at their mouth, their eye, trying to chase off the worst of the feelings. ] M'fine... I'm fine.
[Watching this is such a heartwrenching thing. He feels badly for the enormous flinch, but if they don't try to scramble or move away, then he keeps his hand where it is - gentle against their back. After a second, he moves it carefully, rubbing in gentle circles that he can only hope are soothing.]
It's okay to not be fine. And you never have to apologize for something like this.
[For such a visceral reaction to such a horrific memory. They shake, and he stays close, quiet for a second or two. He doesn't want to force them to move sooner than they want to, but he also doesn't want them to be stuck here watching the refracted surfaces of the glass as they start to loop again, collapsed here on the ground next to their sick.]
[ Does it hurt less the third time around? Probably not. It feels and stings as badly as the first time. But their reaction isn't nearly as twisted and bad as it was the first time he's seen it here. And for that, maybe there's a relief at that, but they're too numb to those feelings.
Focusing on the warmth at their back, the words drowning a bit out. No, Siffrin has to be okay. If they crumble here, what does that mean for back in the loops? Their act will falter, and they'll break and they can't. They suck in a deep breath, ignoring the sick, managing to settle their trembling.
Force themselves to calm down. There's guilt, that they couldn't put themselves together much that Lucas feels he has to lift them but they nod numbly. That's fine. They don't want to stay here. Seeing it again and again is not helping. ]
[That's exactly what he's thinking - that being here, watching this over and over, is not going to do them any good. Even if they can hold themselves together, or pull their pieces back into some semblance of togetherness if nothing else, he doesn't want them to have to. He'd rather just do this: gently tuck his arms around them, and pull them up into a princess carry with ease. They are light as a feather to him regardless of their weight, and he's able to move through the maze of mirrors with a quickness only tempered by the fact that he doesn't want to jostle them too greatly.
Through the corridors they go, passing by glass, reflective surface after reflective surface. He holds them close, giving them space to lean away if they need it or to move closer if they want to hide away. Like this, he moves through the maze with a silent determination and a sole goal: get out, get out, get out.
Fortunately, nothing else begins to play. He speeds up as the memory drags back toward the death of that child, toward Siffrin's own death, toward them getting dragged back to the start of the loop. He can spot the light of the exit ahead, and it's with an absolutely urgent briskness that he sets off to it and through it and back into the carnival space at large.
Once there, he just - slows, comes to a stop, still holding them in his arms.]
[ Honestly, Siffrin doesn't weigh much. They're described as scrawny and they are certainly small. There's a bad flinch as they're tucked, but they ease almost immediately with a breath sucking in. Tucking their head hopefully at an angle that doesn't block too much of Lucas's view with their hat but they aren't actually checking to make sure that's the case.
Mostly focused on hiding from view the reflective surfaces of every mirror around them. If Siffrin was more in mind, maybe they'd notice the space that Lucas gives them, to either move away or close. Leaving the choice with them. Appreciative by the fact that that he doesn't hesitate.
There's no avoiding the way their next breath sucks in and holds, trying to block out the fear in Bonnie's voice, the tremble in their tone, "Frin, help -" They're sorry. They broke that promise. They ensured the only deaths that could happen would only be their own and then they failed even that. As the echo of the memory disappears behind them, moving back to the more open-spaced, they don't move even as Lucas seems to stop.
But they can't hide away forever. They can't stay like this. They straighten a little, just to peek out. ] Are we out..?
[They're out, but they're not, really. Out in that they no longer have to see and listen and feel what's contained in the mirrors on repeat, but those memories live within Siffrin anyway, don't they? In that sense, it's not like this is something that can ever truly be left behind.
But he won't linger on that overly-long. Instead, with some quietness:]
We are, yes. I can put you down if you'd like, or take you anywhere you would rather go.
[Just so they don't have to worry about opening a door and running right back into that same ugly scenario, even if it may not be the same memory tacked up on display.]
..Yeah. [ To which? They shift, so they aren't clinging like some skittish animal. Trying to ease to make it easier to set them down. ] I can walk.
[ Their stomach still churns unpleasantly, but they take another breath in, urge their body to put themselves together. They have to be better. They have to stop worrying others. They're okay. (...) They're okay. ]
I think I'm done with this area for today. [ For maybe the rest of their time here, actually. ]
[He'll nod and carefully move to lower Siffrin back onto their feet. But even after setting them down, he'll still reach for their hand, gently tapping the back of it in a request to hold it. It may be a small way, but it's the best way he can think of to keep a little tether on them even as they regain some space, regain their footing, hopefully regain a little clarity of mind.]
Alright. Let's go, then.
[They can leave this area and say goodbye to that wild nonsense. Lucas may want to ask them a bit more about it all later, but with a reaction like that, he's sure as hell not going to bring it up right now.]
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...Yes. Unfortunately so. Those who are good and kind often suffer for it.
[Sweet Yves deserved so much better than their shitty nation but there they are.]
Thank you, though; I'm glad for it, as well. But-- why don't we find our way back out of here? Before the mirrors start to bully again.
[Very faint lightness, trying to inject a bit of levity.]
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unless u want me to throw one more last min mem ]
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Lucas is not really thinking about any of that though, he's just thinking about how he wishes he could go kill that guy himself. Witnessing the death of a child is also horrific! It is not the first time he's seen it considering where he's from, but it's horrible any time it comes up.
He's still for a few seconds after that, since the visuals and emotions and everything all combined are stunning in the worst of ways. Enough to steal the breath from anyone. He's quiet, but he eventually turns to face Siffrin more fully in a quick little sudden motion, since his conscious brain realizes that this could be highly traumatic for them to relive and he's worried.]
CW: suicide and child death mention, emetophobia
The moment that hand crushes that small body, that knife meets the exact point at that neck that will inflict instant death upon themselves. A single cut is all it needs. Their vision darkening just as blood takes over the vision but the reflection in the mirrors are quiet now. The only sound afterward is the sound of heavy breathing, and fortunately no knife in Siffrin's hand but a hand twitches and grasps at their side like they are heavily thinking about it.
The stricken fear on their expression almost frozen. Until, that nausea ends up being too much and they just quickly turn to collapse into a small heap on the ground to empty their stomach. No, they are definitely not having a good time reliving this again. ]
Re: CW: suicide and child death mention, emetophobia
Siffrin— [He can, at least, angle his body so that they won't have any immediate way of looking at the mirrors directly in front or to the side of them, but he can only do so much when they're literally surrounded by mirrors.
He'll also at least announce:] I'm going to touch you. Let me know if you don't want me to.
[Through word or action or anything else they can think of, but he really can't just sit by and not do anything at all, so he sets a careful hand against their back and tries to support them as best he can through this initial terrible moment of illness.]
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The careful hand comes and they flinch badly, but they don't shake it off. They don't try to scramble or move away either. They just suck a big breath in instead, shuddering. Gloved hands curl tightly against the ground, gasping another breath in again, breathing in and in and in. Lightheaded, dizzied, shaking the thoughts of their mind with quiet murmurs of
it's fine. It's okay. Nothing is happening. They've seen this before. They've seen it before. They know better. This isn't there. This isn't the meadow after. Their eye stings with tears, peering over at Lucas with a tremble in their voice. ]
...Sorry. Sorry. [ This effect is the bane of their existence. Between the last one and this. They're so sick of it and it feels like there's no escape. They wipe at their mouth, their eye, trying to chase off the worst of the feelings. ] M'fine... I'm fine.
[ As they shake like a leaf. ]
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It's okay to not be fine. And you never have to apologize for something like this.
[For such a visceral reaction to such a horrific memory. They shake, and he stays close, quiet for a second or two. He doesn't want to force them to move sooner than they want to, but he also doesn't want them to be stuck here watching the refracted surfaces of the glass as they start to loop again, collapsed here on the ground next to their sick.]
...I'm going to lift you. We need to leave.
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Focusing on the warmth at their back, the words drowning a bit out. No, Siffrin has to be okay. If they crumble here, what does that mean for back in the loops? Their act will falter, and they'll break and they can't. They suck in a deep breath, ignoring the sick, managing to settle their trembling.
Force themselves to calm down. There's guilt, that they couldn't put themselves together much that Lucas feels he has to lift them but they nod numbly. That's fine. They don't want to stay here. Seeing it again and again is not helping. ]
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Through the corridors they go, passing by glass, reflective surface after reflective surface. He holds them close, giving them space to lean away if they need it or to move closer if they want to hide away. Like this, he moves through the maze with a silent determination and a sole goal: get out, get out, get out.
Fortunately, nothing else begins to play. He speeds up as the memory drags back toward the death of that child, toward Siffrin's own death, toward them getting dragged back to the start of the loop. He can spot the light of the exit ahead, and it's with an absolutely urgent briskness that he sets off to it and through it and back into the carnival space at large.
Once there, he just - slows, comes to a stop, still holding them in his arms.]
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Mostly focused on hiding from view the reflective surfaces of every mirror around them. If Siffrin was more in mind, maybe they'd notice the space that Lucas gives them, to either move away or close. Leaving the choice with them. Appreciative by the fact that that he doesn't hesitate.
There's no avoiding the way their next breath sucks in and holds, trying to block out the fear in Bonnie's voice, the tremble in their tone, "Frin, help -" They're sorry. They broke that promise. They ensured the only deaths that could happen would only be their own and then they failed even that. As the echo of the memory disappears behind them, moving back to the more open-spaced, they don't move even as Lucas seems to stop.
But they can't hide away forever. They can't stay like this. They straighten a little, just to peek out. ] Are we out..?
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But he won't linger on that overly-long. Instead, with some quietness:]
We are, yes. I can put you down if you'd like, or take you anywhere you would rather go.
[Just so they don't have to worry about opening a door and running right back into that same ugly scenario, even if it may not be the same memory tacked up on display.]
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..Yeah. [ To which? They shift, so they aren't clinging like some skittish animal. Trying to ease to make it easier to set them down. ] I can walk.
[ Their stomach still churns unpleasantly, but they take another breath in, urge their body to put themselves together. They have to be better. They have to stop worrying others. They're okay. (...) They're okay. ]
I think I'm done with this area for today. [ For maybe the rest of their time here, actually. ]
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Alright. Let's go, then.
[They can leave this area and say goodbye to that wild nonsense. Lucas may want to ask them a bit more about it all later, but with a reaction like that, he's sure as hell not going to bring it up right now.]