[ Listen, listen. Their eye is wet with tears, listening at the words to breathe and they try to suck in a breath. Their gaze shakes a little as they glance at that hand and they reach their hand to grip at it tight an almost vice grip. They flinch as they do but they try again. Breathe in... and out. In and out. Another breath, their chest feels tight, and it's unfair. It's not fair. They've gotten too comfortable, as if they could ever truly escape. Fingers grip, a whimper leaving them, they're here.. and real. They are real.. right? Are they?
(...)
It feels forever. Their panicking breaths lessening, that sickness still sitting heavily in the depths of their stomach but the hand with that knife starts to lower as they lose the strength little by little. Eventually, they're left just sitting there, an empty look focused downwards before they glance finally at the forest around. ]
..Where..?
[ There's no memory of how they got here, why they got here but.. no, no, don't think about it don't think about what happened. ]
[Throughout this grueling process, Lucas sits with them, continuing to speak soft and quiet and even. More of the same - more you'll be okay, more breathe with me. Even though their grip is so tight, he doesn't even flinch, letting them cling with as much fierceness as they need. Any point of grounding could help. In this moment, he's only trying to be an anchor, a centering point. He's only trying to be something solid and tangible, when everything else must feel so scary for reasons he can't even begin to understand.
As their knife-holding hand begins to lower, he'll let his hand lower with it, until it's all the way down. Only then does he let his fingers slip away from the handle, though it lingers nearby. For the hand holding his own, he gives their fingers the gentlest of squeezes. The wave of concern doesn't show in his expression, which he tries to keep level for their sake.]
...We're in the forest. On the island with the hedges and the singing flowers. Do you wish to leave? I'll take you anywhere you want to go.
[ Their grip eventually loosens, if not letting go entirely of Lucas as a swirl of guilt and deep shame churns in their stomach. Idiot. Stupid. Nobody was supposed to find them, it was supposed to happen before anyone did. It's too late now. And, it was a blinding foolish idea anyway. What was it going to do for them anyway? It wasn't as if they were back in Dormont despite what they thought before. It isn't there.
The moment that hand leaves their knife's handle, it doesn't rise again. No, Siffrin knows better now, even their gaze utterly tired and blank. Even if ending their life would be much better than facing the consequences of this. Slowly, they shift their cloak and tuck their knife away into its sheath and out of sight. Better to do that before they consider trying again. If their neck hurts from the cut they did manage on their neck, they don't show it. ]
...
[ The forest. New.. area. Away from everyone. Vaguely, they remember that much. A small nod. Probably better to leave. Not risk anyone else exploring to come across them. Not that they know where to go. Slowly, they move to a stand before looking out, sparing Lucas a small glance until shame boils hotly in their chest and they quickly look down. Unfortunately, they do not offer an explanation or reason to their actions. ]
[He wants so badly to ask what happened, to fuss a little more, but he also doesn't want Siffrin to feel any more overwhelmed than he can imagine they already do. So he'll move to rise alongside them, carefully paced so that if they look like they need support, he can offer it.
When they look away, he's just quiet for a second.]
Would you like to hold my hand? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable...
[Or worse than they already might, but all the same, he doesn't want to leave them feeling alone or abandoned right now. His hand remains between them, held out palm-up and inviting, but not demanding.]
[ Though Siffrin is used to the quiet, to the silence, it feels a little suffocating. Not because of Lucas, or anything he's doing. He's not doing anything wrong. It's Siffrin's fault. That dark spiral, remembering just.. in the end, none of this will matter, will it? They'll go back to everything before and they.. should be happy. Because they miss their companions, their friends but -
A hand comes into their peripheral view. The offer there, patiently and waiting. Actually there and not the image of a hand coming up to hover (always hovering) before pulling away. It stays, and their expression crumbles a little as they tuck into their cloak collar. Lucas has never made them feel uncomfortable, even now. Even if they wish he didn't see them this way.. if it had to be anyone, it was probably best it was him.
Their gloved hand raises, hovering (and you almost laugh at that, because now you're the one hesitating) but a deep breath exhales and they carefully rest their hand in his. ]
[What a terrible thing, wanting to help and feeling that you fall just shy of being able to do anything of true use. He holds their hand gently, lets his fingers curl around theirs in a hold loose enough to be easily escaped from if they change their mind. His other hand rises briefly, touching the back of theirs as he holds their hand between his own for a silent moment before he lets the top hand slide away again.]
Thank you. [Quiet.] For coming back, and for staying.
[For focusing and grounding and returning from whatever horrific place it was that they'd spiralled off to, whatever horrible thing that had almost pushed them to take such drastic measures right here in this dark and lonely stretch of trees. His eyes drift from their face to their neck.]
[ Some tension bleeds a little, at the curl of those fingers and even if it's loose enough it's at least also enough weight to know it's real. Real. And here. That's what they are. They're here and real. Solidified by the join in of that other hand resting to sandwich their own between them. Their eye stings a little, sucking in a small breath at those words and their head dips a bit further.
How they wish they could say thank you back, how he helped.. at least for now, to help them stay. But they don't. Just offering the smallest nod, chasing away those lingering shadows. Turning a blind eye away from it and focus instead on that warmth in their hand.
Their gaze raises quietly, bringing their other hand to almost touch their neck before they nod once. That's fine. It isn't as if they can heal it themselves, and they.. don't want to risk anyone else asking questions of what happened. Even if they could lie so easily about it. ]
[Just another quiet thanks; he can do even one small bit of good here, in leading Siffrin out of this forest and then helping to tend to his injury.
For now, he'll turn and start to lead the way down a path, keeping Siffrin's hand in his own. His grip, as ever, is not harsh enough to demand, but it tightens a little when he's moving rather than just standing still and holding it. Firm enough to keep the two of them tethered.
He'll speak then, just to fill the air a bit, just to try distracting them with the tiniest amount of levity.]
This forest can be a bit tricky. It keeps leading me into the hot springs and the library bathroom for some reason? But I have some things left in my bag from the weekend, so I'll be able to treat you wherever it is we end up.
[ A tether. An anchor. Even if they flinch at that tightening hold, they don't pull their hand from it. Just surprised by it. To feel someone's grip on them - grounding, a reminder of what's real and what's not. Even if.. they still don't necessarily feel real.
A quiet breath. Torn between just simply dissociating or zoning out, but they blink slowly ahead of them as his voice fills the space anyway. Taking the time to actually look around at the darkwoods.
The hot springs and library bathroom..? How strange. When they find their voice again, it's scratchy. Had they been yelling earlier? They can't remember. ]
[Sometimes you truly just vibrate into another dimension with nothing but some dude's hand to remind you that you still have a physical form... It's fine.
He'll just ramble a bit here and there about trees they walk past or roots gnarled across the path or doors that he contemplates peeking into, before they abruptly vanish. The apology has him looking back, though.]
[ Sometimes a physical touch is all you need to know what's real and isn't. Even if your brain starts to question the reality of it all.
The rambling helps. More than Siffrin could say. Even if they zone out through it, it becoming background noise along with the scenery, like a puppet having its stings plucked to continue its walk along.
However, as Lucas's gaze meets their own, they can't meet it for long. His voice kind, gentle, not at all judgmental. Shame still fills their chest hotly. He must think of them as a freak. Some fragile thing. ]
[There is nothing, at least, in his outward demeanor to indicate that he thinks anything less of Siffrin, but the brain can sure be an awful beast to wrangle sometimes, huh. He'll give their hand a very gentle squeeze, offering a small smile.]
There's nothing at all that you need to say you're sorry for, Siffrin.
[Which he says a bit quietly, words just for them even in this vast and empty forest where no one else would overhear. But he'll turn again after that, continuing down paths that twist and turn until finally a door that doesn't vanish appears before them. He reaches out with his free hand, opening it - right into the hallway of the manor.]
[ There's nothing, he says, but of course their own thoughts say otherwise. Lucas is simply as kind as ever. Unable to meet that smile still, hiding a little more into their cloak collar before realizing they might stain it a little.
They answer with a small nod. Even if they don't deserve his kindness. His patience. Not daring to pry answers. Following after still, holding onto that hand, only to peer up to watch as the door actually opens and
oh. They blink slowly at the sight, peering around with some hesitation. As if expecting to see someone else around. ]
[Through the door they go! No one else is here right now because of the magic of pcs even though people should probably be here right now since it's the hallway of their own house...
But it's fine; he'll lead the way out, keeping Siffrin's hand in his own as he goes.]
Shall we go to your room to tend to it, or would you like to come to mine?
[ People should be, but they aren't yay pcs! Siffrin is relatively relieved, but still looks a bit antsy to be standing around so they are all the more ready to follow after him. ]
..Yours. [ .. ] If that's okay.
[ There's nothing in their room. Nothing to welcome them. ]
[He will lead the way to the room that he and Marcoh share! Welcome... It's a very funny-looking room, with Marcoh's huge-ass bed and a very pretty terrarium for Shud the frog. There's a small altar that's decorated with candles and wreathes of flowers and one pretty cross. Both of their beds have fuzzy matching throws on them, but the only other piece of furniture is an oversized bedside table that's full of books.
He'll hold the door open and gesture over toward the smaller bed.]
[ This room is so cute... Siffrin takes it all in. How funny it is that it grounds them a bit more, to see the familiarities in that he can pick apart what is Lucas and what is Marcoh. They breathe in, and out.
Quietly, they follow that gesture and shuffle over to do that like a good fella (gender neutral). Touches blankie...
Sorry Lucas, they may or may not be zoning out now. ]
[ Soft and fuzzy... They can't feel too much through their gloves but, it seems like a nice blanket. They don't bundle up though, they're already intruding enough.
They blink over, almost in a daze before they nod. It's fine. Though, they do pull off their cloak to make it a little easier. Dressed in a black turtleneck, the collar hugging a bit close to their injury unfortunately. ]
It's fine. [ Just as a blanket statement. Since he does trust Lucas to only touch around their neck, and if it hurts.. Siffrin probably won't react. Too used to the feeling and pain of it that they barely bat an eye nowadays. ]
[He'll sit beside them, then, and like this, he'll tend to their injury. Nothing fancy. He wipes his own fingers off with disinfectant and gently pulls the turtleneck down so that he can disinfect the wound with an alcohol pad. He applies an ointment to help with the healing; just from the convenience store. He carefully peels the tabs from the bandage he has, maneuvering to stick it over the nick.
It feels inadequate, ultimately, but it isn't like he can do much else.]
[ The gentle pull still surprises them, could almost hear a familiar soft gentle voice laced with anxiety hurriedly whisper apologies. Out of habit, almost says, "it's okay" out loud. But they catch themselves before they make a fool of themselves. Releasing a breath, stilling as the medical supplies apply itself from steady hands.
It may not feel like much from Lucas, but it is more than enough for Siffrin. Able to tuck their turtleneck back once it's finished and peer over to their cloak. Ah, they did get a bit of blood on the collar but.. it's fine.
[Their bloody cloak... At least the smear will come out in the wash, perhaps. At least it's on the inside, so they don't have to worry about explaining it if they don't want to. As he pulls his hands away, he lets one rest, brief and gentle, on their shoulder, and give it a very light squeeze.]
You're welcome, Siffrin, dear. Would you care to stay here with me a bit longer? We don't have to talk.
[They can just sit quietly, if the quiet is what they need, but he isn't keen on the idea of letting them sit in loneliness right now either.]
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(...)
It feels forever. Their panicking breaths lessening, that sickness still sitting heavily in the depths of their stomach but the hand with that knife starts to lower as they lose the strength little by little. Eventually, they're left just sitting there, an empty look focused downwards before they glance finally at the forest around. ]
..Where..?
[ There's no memory of how they got here, why they got here but.. no, no, don't think about it don't think about what happened. ]
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As their knife-holding hand begins to lower, he'll let his hand lower with it, until it's all the way down. Only then does he let his fingers slip away from the handle, though it lingers nearby. For the hand holding his own, he gives their fingers the gentlest of squeezes. The wave of concern doesn't show in his expression, which he tries to keep level for their sake.]
...We're in the forest. On the island with the hedges and the singing flowers. Do you wish to leave? I'll take you anywhere you want to go.
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The moment that hand leaves their knife's handle, it doesn't rise again. No, Siffrin knows better now, even their gaze utterly tired and blank. Even if ending their life would be much better than facing the consequences of this. Slowly, they shift their cloak and tuck their knife away into its sheath and out of sight. Better to do that before they consider trying again. If their neck hurts from the cut they did manage on their neck, they don't show it. ]
...
[ The forest. New.. area. Away from everyone. Vaguely, they remember that much. A small nod. Probably better to leave. Not risk anyone else exploring to come across them. Not that they know where to go. Slowly, they move to a stand before looking out, sparing Lucas a small glance until shame boils hotly in their chest and they quickly look down. Unfortunately, they do not offer an explanation or reason to their actions. ]
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When they look away, he's just quiet for a second.]
Would you like to hold my hand? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable...
[Or worse than they already might, but all the same, he doesn't want to leave them feeling alone or abandoned right now. His hand remains between them, held out palm-up and inviting, but not demanding.]
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A hand comes into their peripheral view. The offer there, patiently and waiting. Actually there and not the image of a hand coming up to hover (always hovering) before pulling away. It stays, and their expression crumbles a little as they tuck into their cloak collar. Lucas has never made them feel uncomfortable, even now. Even if they wish he didn't see them this way.. if it had to be anyone, it was probably best it was him.
Their gloved hand raises, hovering (and you almost laugh at that, because now you're the one hesitating) but a deep breath exhales and they carefully rest their hand in his. ]
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Thank you. [Quiet.] For coming back, and for staying.
[For focusing and grounding and returning from whatever horrific place it was that they'd spiralled off to, whatever horrible thing that had almost pushed them to take such drastic measures right here in this dark and lonely stretch of trees. His eyes drift from their face to their neck.]
May I take care of that once we're out of here?
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How they wish they could say thank you back, how he helped.. at least for now, to help them stay. But they don't. Just offering the smallest nod, chasing away those lingering shadows. Turning a blind eye away from it and focus instead on that warmth in their hand.
Their gaze raises quietly, bringing their other hand to almost touch their neck before they nod once. That's fine. It isn't as if they can heal it themselves, and they.. don't want to risk anyone else asking questions of what happened. Even if they could lie so easily about it. ]
..Yeah.
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[Just another quiet thanks; he can do even one small bit of good here, in leading Siffrin out of this forest and then helping to tend to his injury.
For now, he'll turn and start to lead the way down a path, keeping Siffrin's hand in his own. His grip, as ever, is not harsh enough to demand, but it tightens a little when he's moving rather than just standing still and holding it. Firm enough to keep the two of them tethered.
He'll speak then, just to fill the air a bit, just to try distracting them with the tiniest amount of levity.]
This forest can be a bit tricky. It keeps leading me into the hot springs and the library bathroom for some reason? But I have some things left in my bag from the weekend, so I'll be able to treat you wherever it is we end up.
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A quiet breath. Torn between just simply dissociating or zoning out, but they blink slowly ahead of them as his voice fills the space anyway. Taking the time to actually look around at the darkwoods.
The hot springs and library bathroom..? How strange. When they find their voice again, it's scratchy. Had they been yelling earlier? They can't remember. ]
Okay... [ And more quietly, ashamed ] ..Sorry.
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He'll just ramble a bit here and there about trees they walk past or roots gnarled across the path or doors that he contemplates peeking into, before they abruptly vanish. The apology has him looking back, though.]
Whatever are you apologizing for, dear?
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The rambling helps. More than Siffrin could say. Even if they zone out through it, it becoming background noise along with the scenery, like a puppet having its stings plucked to continue its walk along.
However, as Lucas's gaze meets their own, they can't meet it for long. His voice kind, gentle, not at all judgmental. Shame still fills their chest hotly. He must think of them as a freak. Some fragile thing. ]
..Nothing.
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There's nothing at all that you need to say you're sorry for, Siffrin.
[Which he says a bit quietly, words just for them even in this vast and empty forest where no one else would overhear. But he'll turn again after that, continuing down paths that twist and turn until finally a door that doesn't vanish appears before them. He reaches out with his free hand, opening it - right into the hallway of the manor.]
Oh? A lucky draw this time.
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They answer with a small nod. Even if they don't deserve his kindness. His patience. Not daring to pry answers. Following after still, holding onto that hand, only to peer up to watch as the door actually opens and
oh. They blink slowly at the sight, peering around with some hesitation. As if expecting to see someone else around. ]
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But it's fine; he'll lead the way out, keeping Siffrin's hand in his own as he goes.]
Shall we go to your room to tend to it, or would you like to come to mine?
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..Yours. [ .. ] If that's okay.
[ There's nothing in their room. Nothing to welcome them. ]
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[He will lead the way to the room that he and Marcoh share! Welcome... It's a very funny-looking room, with Marcoh's huge-ass bed and a very pretty terrarium for Shud the frog. There's a small altar that's decorated with candles and wreathes of flowers and one pretty cross. Both of their beds have fuzzy matching throws on them, but the only other piece of furniture is an oversized bedside table that's full of books.
He'll hold the door open and gesture over toward the smaller bed.]
You can take a seat, if you'd like.
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Quietly, they follow that gesture and shuffle over to do that like a good fella (gender neutral). Touches blankie...
Sorry Lucas, they may or may not be zoning out now. ]
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You can bundle up, if you'd like. [And he'll move to sit down beside them, digging around in his lil bag for supplies.]
--I'm going to start cleaning. Please tell me if you don't want me to touch anything, or if it hurts.
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They blink over, almost in a daze before they nod. It's fine. Though, they do pull off their cloak to make it a little easier. Dressed in a black turtleneck, the collar hugging a bit close to their injury unfortunately. ]
It's fine. [ Just as a blanket statement. Since he does trust Lucas to only touch around their neck, and if it hurts.. Siffrin probably won't react. Too used to the feeling and pain of it that they barely bat an eye nowadays. ]
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It feels inadequate, ultimately, but it isn't like he can do much else.]
...Alright. That should do it for now.
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It may not feel like much from Lucas, but it is more than enough for Siffrin. Able to tuck their turtleneck back once it's finished and peer over to their cloak. Ah, they did get a bit of blood on the collar but.. it's fine.
A quiet peer back at Lucas. ] ..Thanks, Lu.
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You're welcome, Siffrin, dear. Would you care to stay here with me a bit longer? We don't have to talk.
[They can just sit quietly, if the quiet is what they need, but he isn't keen on the idea of letting them sit in loneliness right now either.]