The hold not letting go makes their arm tremble, but they don't move more firmly or shake Jiaoqiu away. Just taking a small breath in, and out. Their eye starting to wet with unshed tears. The last time he was in here, he held onto Lucas's hands so desperately, tightly, afraid to let go. Since then, the most he got was.. a head pat from Marcoh, and then Uruha's hand gripping their own in a grounding touch. Their own touch afraid to let go of Jiaoqiu in this moment.
(I don't deserve this.) Even though that thought bubbles, they hold onto Jiaoqiu's own hand. A bit firmer. Feels the comforting brush of fur that curl around. ]
.. [ Their expression takes on to something exhausted, staring listlessly down. It pushed, but the knife that did it is still their own. With practiced ease, even if the motions are more.. used to on themselves, on the King, on monsters... (Monster. That's what I am.) A shake of their head, trying to silent their own thoughts from airing. ]
...It could have been worse. It could have been.. any of the teens. Because of that... [ It's fine. It isn't. But it is. But it isn't. Because it's unfair. But they do deserve it. The Universe does ever like to see them dance on the stage, after all. ] ..Jiaoqiu. I really do cause you a bit of trouble, don't I?
[ he doesn't let go, for now. he knows that if everything works out the way they hope, it won't be long before they see each other again. but even the last moments matter. death is to be respected, and to be taken seriously, even if there's a revival in the works.
as for what they say, he huffs, at that, his tail flicking a little to almost tickle at the side of their face. ]
You all cause me trouble. [ wryly. ] But I don't mind it.
[ he cares for every single one of the people who has made their way through here. he's felt every death keenly, every victim and every killer. a healer's job is to make life easy for his patients. to make sure that they aren't in unnecessary pain. if sitting with someone and holding their hand helps even a little bit, it's not a struggle for him to do it. ]
You are not a monster. Aeons, I've told every single one of you this, too. You made a mistake, because of something trying to ruin lives, something you wouldn't have done under normal circumstances. Uruha didn't want you to blame yourself. So you shouldn't.
[ It's part of why there's a small constant nag at their head, don't worry about it, it won't be long, but even.. any small short distance, stretches on for years to them when time loops are all they're used to. Everything happens too quickly and yet so much time inbetween them. Selfishly, they want to keep this moment just a little longer.
There's a small surprised noise at that flick, one hand gently catching it but not too roughly. Just brushing fur carefully out with fingers. Taking small care to it, it's the least they can do since they can't do much more for Jiaoqiu. Moments like this, it's always easier to focus on others. On what they can do for them. ]
..Does keep you busy.
[ So, they kinda get it. In a sense, they feel the same way, Jiaoqiu could cause them a little trouble for a change and they would still openly take it, not mind it. ]
It's... [ (After hundreds of loops, don't know if I can think any differently. See any different.) But that's different here. And the people here, have given them a piece of something to try and remember by, to do a little differently... even so, their chest feels follow, empty, like a heart removed. ] ...Uruha has always been kind. Every Friday, he'd.. always be there. The weekends too.. even if I didn't talk, he'd accompany me.
[ It's so.. strange, him not being there right now. Focuses on that hand in their own. (I hope people saw that kind side of his, too.) ]
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The hold not letting go makes their arm tremble, but they don't move more firmly or shake Jiaoqiu away. Just taking a small breath in, and out. Their eye starting to wet with unshed tears. The last time he was in here, he held onto Lucas's hands so desperately, tightly, afraid to let go. Since then, the most he got was.. a head pat from Marcoh, and then Uruha's hand gripping their own in a grounding touch. Their own touch afraid to let go of Jiaoqiu in this moment.
(I don't deserve this.) Even though that thought bubbles, they hold onto Jiaoqiu's own hand. A bit firmer. Feels the comforting brush of fur that curl around. ]
.. [ Their expression takes on to something exhausted, staring listlessly down. It pushed, but the knife that did it is still their own. With practiced ease, even if the motions are more.. used to on themselves, on the King, on monsters... (Monster. That's what I am.) A shake of their head, trying to silent their own thoughts from airing. ]
...It could have been worse. It could have been.. any of the teens. Because of that... [ It's fine. It isn't. But it is. But it isn't. Because it's unfair. But they do deserve it. The Universe does ever like to see them dance on the stage, after all. ] ..Jiaoqiu. I really do cause you a bit of trouble, don't I?
[ An attempt to lighten the mood, make a joke. ]
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as for what they say, he huffs, at that, his tail flicking a little to almost tickle at the side of their face. ]
You all cause me trouble. [ wryly. ] But I don't mind it.
[ he cares for every single one of the people who has made their way through here. he's felt every death keenly, every victim and every killer. a healer's job is to make life easy for his patients. to make sure that they aren't in unnecessary pain. if sitting with someone and holding their hand helps even a little bit, it's not a struggle for him to do it. ]
You are not a monster. Aeons, I've told every single one of you this, too. You made a mistake, because of something trying to ruin lives, something you wouldn't have done under normal circumstances. Uruha didn't want you to blame yourself. So you shouldn't.
no subject
There's a small surprised noise at that flick, one hand gently catching it but not too roughly. Just brushing fur carefully out with fingers. Taking small care to it, it's the least they can do since they can't do much more for Jiaoqiu. Moments like this, it's always easier to focus on others. On what they can do for them. ]
..Does keep you busy.
[ So, they kinda get it. In a sense, they feel the same way, Jiaoqiu could cause them a little trouble for a change and they would still openly take it, not mind it. ]
It's... [ (After hundreds of loops, don't know if I can think any differently. See any different.) But that's different here. And the people here, have given them a piece of something to try and remember by, to do a little differently... even so, their chest feels follow, empty, like a heart removed. ] ...Uruha has always been kind. Every Friday, he'd.. always be there. The weekends too.. even if I didn't talk, he'd accompany me.
[ It's so.. strange, him not being there right now. Focuses on that hand in their own. (I hope people saw that kind side of his, too.) ]
no subject
[ jiaoqiu agrees, soft. ]
And he is not gone forever. He will be back soon, with the rest of them. When you see him, Siffrin, he will forgive you. I know that he will.
[ he rubs his thumb against their hand, gently. ]
... I know it is difficult now. I know. But know that none of us could blame you. You are a victim as much as Uruha was.