[ Involuntarily, they shiver, but they don't move away from that contact. If anything, there's a clench in their chest, and the touchstarved aspect of them craves that touch.
The briefest of hesitation, leaning into it. ]
..It'll be fine. [ That is to say... ] I'll be okay.
[ A close of their eye, before they jolt just a little, as if remembering themselves. Right. Don't do that. ]
..It feels like I'm split between two very different lives. Memories. [ One of an entire life, built on another's memory, a life that is not their own. And the one that is full of holes and no sense of self to begin with. ] It's.. fine if I focus, though. I don't know if it's.. the same, or different for the others though.
[ Even if it wasn't, isn't the identity they were born with because they don't know who they were before it all, but this is at least something they are now. This half-life they have made after everything. Something put together with different pieces.
But in the end, that's who they are. Even if they aren't a completed person. ]
[ siffrin is a complete person to elysia even if there are things missing, even if things are forgotten. even if everything isn't filled in doesn't mean you aren't whole. ]
[ A return of her name, even though it is the nickname she prefers from friends. Nicknames. Distantly, they can hear a different set of voices, "Sif" from one, "Frin" from another, "Siff" from another but here.
It's still hard to wrap their head around. That anyone would care and see them as a friend, they aren't much of anything. Just something that exists in pieces. But the idea of being recorded.. (Would that even be enough?) It's a nice thought. One that has them hiding their face at, sorry. ]
[ she hugs them, her embrace as gentle as she can make it.
even if all they are are pieces, the pieces make up someone she loves dearly, and how could elysia not want to keep everything she knows of them with her?
[ For a moment they tense, uncertain, unsure, not because of their injuries - but because part of them wants so desperately this connection, even as arms hesitate to wrap around. As if unsure if it's okay.
Uncertain as they tuck their face against her shoulder, after everything will they remember this? Later, after they can convince and reassure that they're fine, would they still be hugged? Like they're important? Like they're something?
They release a quiet breath. And if this is a dream, they'd like to stay asleep just a bit longer. ]
[ It's hard to miss the way they freeze at that, to hear those words uttered so freely. The way it makes their heart do a silly little flutter, confused and.. almost disbelieving. Siffrin doesn't deserve it though. A love like hers.. there are so many other people who could deserve it more. If even a little.
How nice and warm it must be. Gently cradled by such words. But from them, who is too afraid to say such words out loud, afraid to make them real - afraid to even so much as whisper and end up with nothing.
Quietly, they sink a little, their expression twisting to something that doesn't believe that. How could anyone love someone that is barely a person? (Your friends, your family - they love you, don't they? You've seen it, haven't you?) Or.. is that too just wishful thinking. There's just the smallest of head shakes. ]
[ there are too many people who think they're undeserving of her love, and every time she fights tooth and nail to prove that they do. She may end up dying before she manages it, but her hope is that siffrin will someday believe in her love. ]
You don't have to accept it now, but if you could someday... that would make me happy.
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The briefest of hesitation, leaning into it. ]
..It'll be fine. [ That is to say... ] I'll be okay.
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Sure. You will be okay, but it's fine if you aren't now. I just don't want you to lose yourself.
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..It feels like I'm split between two very different lives. Memories. [ One of an entire life, built on another's memory, a life that is not their own. And the one that is full of holes and no sense of self to begin with. ] It's.. fine if I focus, though. I don't know if it's.. the same, or different for the others though.
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[ whatever they choose that to be. ]
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[ Even if it wasn't, isn't the identity they were born with because they don't know who they were before it all, but this is at least something they are now. This half-life they have made after everything. Something put together with different pieces.
But in the end, that's who they are. Even if they aren't a completed person. ]
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[ siffrin is a complete person to elysia even if there are things missing, even if things are forgotten. even if everything isn't filled in doesn't mean you aren't whole. ]
Don't worry. You'll be recorded in my heart.
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[ A return of her name, even though it is the nickname she prefers from friends. Nicknames. Distantly, they can hear a different set of voices, "Sif" from one, "Frin" from another, "Siff" from another but here.
It's still hard to wrap their head around. That anyone would care and see them as a friend, they aren't much of anything. Just something that exists in pieces. But the idea of being recorded.. (Would that even be enough?) It's a nice thought. One that has them hiding their face at, sorry. ]
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even if all they are are pieces, the pieces make up someone she loves dearly, and how could elysia not want to keep everything she knows of them with her?
how could she do anything else? ]
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Uncertain as they tuck their face against her shoulder, after everything will they remember this? Later, after they can convince and reassure that they're fine, would they still be hugged? Like they're important? Like they're something?
They release a quiet breath. And if this is a dream, they'd like to stay asleep just a bit longer. ]
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I love you, Siffrin. If there's something else I want you to remember, it's that.
[ that they're someone she will embrace and think is important and that they're more than just anything, more than just something.
they're siffrin. ]
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How nice and warm it must be. Gently cradled by such words. But from them, who is too afraid to say such words out loud, afraid to make them real - afraid to even so much as whisper and end up with nothing.
Quietly, they sink a little, their expression twisting to something that doesn't believe that. How could anyone love someone that is barely a person? (Your friends, your family - they love you, don't they? You've seen it, haven't you?) Or.. is that too just wishful thinking. There's just the smallest of head shakes. ]
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You don't have to accept it now, but if you could someday... that would make me happy.