[ yves will provide even if it's not asked for directly then, letting siffrin rest against him as they sort through the... everything that the past few days has been.
what an emotional rollercoaster. he frowns. ]
... are you sure?
[ softly, wondering, because they really did go through virginia together ]
[ A lot has happened in the past few days alone. And they had thought the length of the week without them was long enough. There's only so much dissociating one can do though. ]
I can't - don't want to force him to think differently.
[ To consider forgiving. It's in his right to hate them for it. Their head raises, offering a smile, even if it does hurt to even think about. After everything they've gone through Virginia together, and even in the past weeks. That connection and extension of feeling like family with Marcoh - all burned to ashes. ]
I hurt him, too. In the end, it was still me. It was still my hand that did it.
[ . . . yves lets his fingers run through siffrin's hair slowly, tucking some behind their ear ]
... I understand. I don't think that it's a matter of forcing someone else to feel something, or wanting to change their emotions.
But... yours do still matter. [ with confidence and certainty ] Even if you hurt someone, your feelings do matter. Especially since it's not something that you would've chosen to do.
[ There's a small little shiver, but they don't seem to mind it. Leaning into the touch with a flutter. A small breath out. ]
It feels that way. [ Wanting something differently. Wanting to go back to how things are. But they can't rewind time here and fix their mistakes. They can't go back. ]
I.. [ It isn't a thought they share. But that's because when has the Universe ever cared how they feel? Their brow furrows, thinking on it but, there is at least something there. ] No, I would've.. never chosen to hurt Uruha. To hurt Marcoh. And I hate that it did - that it made me, but there's.. ..it doesn't change anything.
Does it have to be about change? [ and maybe it's the matter of time loops and things changing and being malleable and repeat repeat repeat until it's figured out again that yves is working against here. what is so known and yet what is so abnormal. ]
... only you and Uruha know how things feel between you. The same goes for you and Marcoh. If either of them don't forgive, for any reason... that's up to them.
But you, Siff... if you're still feeling hurt and if you're still feeling sad... It's only because you loved them so much. It's okay to mourn what you had, because you cherished it so.
For me, it has to be if because... [ It is consequently the nature of things they are so accustomed to back in their endless time and time again with their loops. Because there's that fear. If they start to get used to things differently, how will that affect them when they go back? ]
..Uruha had already forgiven me since the beginning. [ Because Uruha is kind. But also apparently he doesn't hold grudges against his murderers wah da hael. But Marcoh... every time they think of him, they remember that look in his eyes. Like he no longer recognized him. ] ...
I.. [ Their voice shakes a little and they pause, swallowing. Trying to settle their nerves. It's fine. A deep breath in. ] I do.
[ Love and cherish them. And at the very least, Uruha is still there. Keeping them there with him. But they still feel empty, unsure what to do about Marcoh. If they should do.. anything.] ..I guess.. I'll have to see how it goes tomorrow.
... at least while you're here, it's okay to take things as they are. I know that it's different... but if we're talking about things we can or can't control then...
[ it's better to accept this, instead of hoping to change things. to try to find a version of events where uruha isn't hurt and marcoh isn't alone, because that's not what they're working with. yves is relieved to hear that uruha has already forgiven—he's genuinely not surprised in the slightest. as for everything else... ]
.... we can take the days here one tomorrow at a time. [ and he'll use his arm around siffrin's shoulders to pull them a bit closer, into a half hug ] I don't know how Marcoh's going to feel, but I'm sure Uruha will do his best to reason with him, too, where he can.
But... at least while it's just you and me, I can say... It's not your fault, Siff. It wasn't your choice. You love them, and everyone knows that.
Marcoh's mad at something else entirely, but the emotion is seeping out at the seems. That's still not you.
[ Those words trail, but even before they do Siffrin has already looked up at him. It feels incredibly selfish for them to take things as they are. But allowing themselves to enjoy has always been a problem for them. That warmth envelops partly around, and they decide to set the cup aside for now. Right now, they want to exchange that warmth for something they've missed more. Something they wouldn't dare say out loud as embarrassing as it is. ]
..Mm. One tomorrow at a time. [ And different tomorrows at that. An arm gently loops around Yves in turn, their other hand trying not to do the same. Don't be too greedy, Siffrin. They listen quietly now, and they do think that.. if they haven't entirely broken what's there for Uruha and Marcoh.. then it could be fine. Should be. ]
You really do try to see the best in people, Vee. [ It's spoken softly. And the words are soothing to hear from him, if someone like Yves and others can see then.. maybe it'll be fine. Wishful thinking as it is. But even if it isn't.. ]
Hope so. [ An almost too quiet murmur. A small shake of their head. ] But, if it does end up being at me.. I'll be okay. I can shoulder that much. Though I.. hope you're able to help him. Is that.. a selfish thing to ask?
[ when the cup is set aside, then it's easy for yves to wrap both his arms around siffrin in a big hug instead. pulling them close and letting yves curl around them like that'll provide some kind of shelter against everything else wrong and going wrong-er in the world. if nothing else, he'll do his best. as ever, all he can do is his best. ]
There is so much best to see in all of you. [ that's all he can say ] I love Marcoh, and I love you. [ there's no hesitation in it, because he's confident. he adores every single person involved in this chaos. ] I know that you must be hurting because of something you'd never to do but were made to do. I know that Marcoh must be hurting under the weight of all he's lost. I... I know both of those feelings well.
[ both to be made the puppet, and the spiral ]
But both those times... you both took care of me. So I'll do my best to take care of both of you. You get me today, and all the days after—and I'll do what I can for Marcoh tomorrow.
We're all still here, Siff. [ a little reminder ] You, me, Uruha, Marcoh, everyone. So... nothing's broken beyond repair. Even if it means that when things are fixed, they might be a little different but... that's alright. Everything's going to be okay.
[ At the pull, their body sinks into the hold, arms properly rising up around to rest palms against that back. Fingers pressing a little, gripping, always the reminder to themselves to not be so greedy or needy. But meet this warmth like a moth to a flame. Yves ever carrying himself like a shield for them. ]
Vee.. [ His voice trails softly, to hear those words of love, the understanding of hurt, to hear him place himself in the place and knowledge of both sides. Even now, they still want to soothe those wounds, hardly regarding their own. But they do not utter another word, simply listening. A soft noise comes as if to argue just a little... (don't have to force yourself for me) their thoughts bubbling unhelpfully. Their worth is little to nothing in their eye, thinking themselves so selfish to have and ask for Yves' time for all the days to come. Even though Yves has always spared so much of himself to everyone without fear, without worry. Giving giving giving and maybe allowing some in return. ] ...
[ A small nod, a breath in, a gentle squeeze there. ]
..Okay. I'll.. try to remember. To keep that in mind. ..Everything will be okay. We'll.. we'll be fine.
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no subject
what an emotional rollercoaster. he frowns. ]
... are you sure?
[ softly, wondering, because they really did go through virginia together ]
It can still hurt, even if you're fine.
no subject
I can't - don't want to force him to think differently.
[ To consider forgiving. It's in his right to hate them for it. Their head raises, offering a smile, even if it does hurt to even think about. After everything they've gone through Virginia together, and even in the past weeks. That connection and extension of feeling like family with Marcoh - all burned to ashes. ]
I hurt him, too. In the end, it was still me. It was still my hand that did it.
no subject
... I understand. I don't think that it's a matter of forcing someone else to feel something, or wanting to change their emotions.
But... yours do still matter. [ with confidence and certainty ] Even if you hurt someone, your feelings do matter. Especially since it's not something that you would've chosen to do.
no subject
It feels that way. [ Wanting something differently. Wanting to go back to how things are. But they can't rewind time here and fix their mistakes. They can't go back. ]
I.. [ It isn't a thought they share. But that's because when has the Universe ever cared how they feel? Their brow furrows, thinking on it but, there is at least something there. ] No, I would've.. never chosen to hurt Uruha. To hurt Marcoh. And I hate that it did - that it made me, but there's.. ..it doesn't change anything.
no subject
Does it have to be about change? [ and maybe it's the matter of time loops and things changing and being malleable and repeat repeat repeat until it's figured out again that yves is working against here. what is so known and yet what is so abnormal. ]
... only you and Uruha know how things feel between you. The same goes for you and Marcoh. If either of them don't forgive, for any reason... that's up to them.
But you, Siff... if you're still feeling hurt and if you're still feeling sad... It's only because you loved them so much. It's okay to mourn what you had, because you cherished it so.
no subject
..Uruha had already forgiven me since the beginning. [ Because Uruha is kind. But also apparently he doesn't hold grudges against his murderers wah da hael. But Marcoh... every time they think of him, they remember that look in his eyes. Like he no longer recognized him. ] ...
I.. [ Their voice shakes a little and they pause, swallowing. Trying to settle their nerves. It's fine. A deep breath in. ] I do.
[ Love and cherish them. And at the very least, Uruha is still there. Keeping them there with him. But they still feel empty, unsure what to do about Marcoh. If they should do.. anything.] ..I guess.. I'll have to see how it goes tomorrow.
no subject
[ it's better to accept this, instead of hoping to change things. to try to find a version of events where uruha isn't hurt and marcoh isn't alone, because that's not what they're working with. yves is relieved to hear that uruha has already forgiven—he's genuinely not surprised in the slightest. as for everything else... ]
.... we can take the days here one tomorrow at a time. [ and he'll use his arm around siffrin's shoulders to pull them a bit closer, into a half hug ] I don't know how Marcoh's going to feel, but I'm sure Uruha will do his best to reason with him, too, where he can.
But... at least while it's just you and me, I can say... It's not your fault, Siff. It wasn't your choice. You love them, and everyone knows that.
Marcoh's mad at something else entirely, but the emotion is seeping out at the seems. That's still not you.
no subject
..Mm. One tomorrow at a time. [ And different tomorrows at that. An arm gently loops around Yves in turn, their other hand trying not to do the same. Don't be too greedy, Siffrin. They listen quietly now, and they do think that.. if they haven't entirely broken what's there for Uruha and Marcoh.. then it could be fine. Should be. ]
You really do try to see the best in people, Vee. [ It's spoken softly. And the words are soothing to hear from him, if someone like Yves and others can see then.. maybe it'll be fine. Wishful thinking as it is. But even if it isn't.. ]
Hope so. [ An almost too quiet murmur. A small shake of their head. ] But, if it does end up being at me.. I'll be okay. I can shoulder that much. Though I.. hope you're able to help him. Is that.. a selfish thing to ask?
no subject
There is so much best to see in all of you. [ that's all he can say ] I love Marcoh, and I love you. [ there's no hesitation in it, because he's confident. he adores every single person involved in this chaos. ] I know that you must be hurting because of something you'd never to do but were made to do. I know that Marcoh must be hurting under the weight of all he's lost. I... I know both of those feelings well.
[ both to be made the puppet, and the spiral ]
But both those times... you both took care of me. So I'll do my best to take care of both of you. You get me today, and all the days after—and I'll do what I can for Marcoh tomorrow.
We're all still here, Siff. [ a little reminder ] You, me, Uruha, Marcoh, everyone. So... nothing's broken beyond repair. Even if it means that when things are fixed, they might be a little different but... that's alright. Everything's going to be okay.
no subject
Vee.. [ His voice trails softly, to hear those words of love, the understanding of hurt, to hear him place himself in the place and knowledge of both sides. Even now, they still want to soothe those wounds, hardly regarding their own. But they do not utter another word, simply listening. A soft noise comes as if to argue just a little... (don't have to force yourself for me) their thoughts bubbling unhelpfully. Their worth is little to nothing in their eye, thinking themselves so selfish to have and ask for Yves' time for all the days to come. Even though Yves has always spared so much of himself to everyone without fear, without worry. Giving giving giving and maybe allowing some in return. ] ...
[ A small nod, a breath in, a gentle squeeze there. ]
..Okay. I'll.. try to remember. To keep that in mind. ..Everything will be okay. We'll.. we'll be fine.
[ (remember siffrin, remember remember don't forget) ]