[ he smiles, raising a brow ] I want to. I'll just let Laurence know that I'll be out so he doesn't worry. But I got sleeping bags over the week, so we can use those so it won't be too cold?
[ he'll sit down in his chair and then place the beer in the third seat for siff to take ]
If people are going to ask me when I'll stop missing my best friend, the answer is never. [ it's really that simple for him ] But... I did get the answer I was looking for. I just wish it didn't come at the cost of even more heartache for someone I care about.
..If you want to, then. I wouldn't mind the company. [ A small nod. ] Sleeping bags work. I'll bring extra blankets.
[ Squishing a bit of that lingering fear to latch onto that bit of warmth, offering an appreciative look as they take the beer to hold. Fingers tapping against the cup. Even though their head tilts. ]
I don't think anyone will expect you to stop. [ Which is said with a bit of a furrowed brow. But that's coming from Siffrin who misses even people they no longer remember. ] ...I was hoping we'd get answers for you, but.
... I think after Jing Yuan, there wouldn't be any answer that I would've liked. I do love all of you, after all. [ unashamed, saying the word so easily ]
It is. I don't know any of the constellations here but.. they're still nice to look at.
[ ..Yves really does say it so easily. So warmly. Siffrin watches him, head tilted and they consider those words. How can he be so sure? And if... he knew everything about some of them.. would Yves still be able to? To say "I love you" so confidently.
They bring up their beer to take a sip. ] Mm, I'm glad you got your answer.
[ ..Bweh. They make a small face. They don't drink a lot of beer actually. ]
[ he smiles faintly at that and there is an urge to tease.
but also he will ask directly: ] Do you not want me to touch you anymore?
[ because he's noticed. the pulling away, the skittishness... and for someone as naturally touchy as yves, he'd rather know so he doesn't accidentally cross someone's boundaries ]
[ . . . ? yves tilts his head, a little worried now. anguish? that's not what he intended at all. he'll reach out - but this time he'll leave his hand out, palm up between them. ]
... I'm not taking it back. I'm still happy to hold onto you, if you're okay with it.
I just... want to be sure you're okay with it. I don't want to give you anything that you dislike.
[ One hand presses to their chest, tucking their head a little to try and cover their face. It's weird, isn't it? For someone to act this way? They know, they know. There is nothing normal about them. ]
You haven't. ..Done anything I dislike, I mean. I just...
[ (It's hard to say. How do you tell someone that most of the time, you don't feel real?) ]
It's not that I.. [ Want to be this way. Their gaze rests on that offered hand, bringing one hand to rest fingertips gently on that palm. The smallest of pokes. ] Sorry. I don't know how to explain it.
[ the smallest of pokes is enough, and yves' motion in return is slow, but it is sure. he lets his hand curl so that he can rest his fingers against siff's, meeting that tentative little touch with his own certainty. ]
... you don't have to, if it's difficult. [ patiently ] I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, and if it never comes, that's alright too.
I just didn't want to do something to make you unhappy.
[ It's such a light touch against their own, certain and sure. But that's how Yves is. Confident, warm and loving. Always sparing love to others even after facing so much hurt. It's admirable, and Siffrin wonders if they'd be able to ever fool themselves to think the same. To do the same.
But no, Siffrin is a coward. Even so, they settle with slowly resting their gloved hand in his. ]
..I've never been unhappy with you. [ Yesterday was a bit of an opener, to feel it from the other side. To be unsure if their own touch was wanted. And even now he still doesn't blame Yves for it. But, with Yves... ] ..Around you, I feel.. normal.
[ And as soon as that admittance come, they feel stupid for saying it. What a weird thing to even say! It's so difficult to ever feel normal, to be anything but normal, however in his company it feels like it sometimes. Like they can be, even if they know they're far from it. ]
[ yves looks thoughtful for a moment. there is something here that he isn't quite comprehending. ]
... you are normal to me.
[ softly, reassuring. he'd never thought of siffrin to be otherwise at any point. he'll just gently hold onto their hand then, letting his thumb lightly brush over their knuckles in an automatic gesture ]
[ No.. it probably wouldn't occur. But Siffrin knows they aren't, however to say otherwise would be saying too much already. They've troubled others enough.
But even if for a moment.. Their expression furrows a little but they push the thought away. Offering an easy smile to him, and the smallest of hand squeezes. ]
..Can you tell me something? [ A glance to the photo, taking it in before peering back at Yves with a smile. ] If you don't mind talking about Adolphe. I'd like to hear about.. anything you want to share.
[ A gentle press of one finger to his palm. They want to hear more from Yves. From someone who seems to value his connections greatly. ]
[ yves looks thoughtful for a moment before his expression melts into a smile ]
Sure. I don't mind. I love talking about Adolphe, especially since he's so bad at talking about himself.
[ teasing even his ghost ]
Let's see, what can I say... Adolphe had a really nice house, even though he tries to stay out of the way of the rest of the town. It's quiet and well-maintained, so I think he got really good at keeping up with his chores even after leaving the orphanage.
But... sometimes we'd be gifted enough wine at Courrune that there's no way that I could finish it myself! So I'd show up at his door with Hugo in tow, and then we'd just drink together. They'd always scold me for drinking too much, but they never left me to myself.
Adolphe would bring out his spare pillows and blankets and set up a spot for me, and he'd always triple-check that I was tucked away safe before going to his own bed. For someone who kept to himself so much, he was really good at taking care of me. [ a little huff, amused ] Of people in general but...
[ Lips twitch into something a bit more genuine, soft. To hear and see the tease. Familiar.
Siffrin remains quiet, but it's clear they're listening, from enjoying hear Yves talk but freely sharing those thoughts and those observations. Their gloved hand turns a little, peering thoughtfully. ]
You are just as important to him as he is to you. [ It's clear to see. To hear. ] He really loves you.
[ Siffrin glances up, thoughtfully. ]
..He did check on me, the morning after the party. Offering water and medicine if I needed. So I did see for myself how he'd go out of his way to check on others even here.
[ Even with someone he didn't really know. Adolphe has a soft heart. ]
[ he really loves you. it's a sentence that punches yves in the chest, as someone who never thought that he could be loved in any capacity. no, adolphe doesn't love him in the way that he wants but... to receive someone's affection and care to that degree at all?
he smiles sadly: ] ... I know. I really love him, too. I hope he knew.
[ for as much as yves says it... it can be difficult, when it comes with such frequently. does the word lose its meaning? ]
That sounds like him... He's used to it. He always has to pick up after us the day after drinking...
[ The sight of that smile does have them wonder if that was the right thing to say. It was meant to be comforting, something reassuring, after all who wouldn't want to be told they were loved?
As they think of those they love, would do anything for, but feel that they possibly don't feel the same. Their gaze raises quietly to him before over to the photo again.] .. I'm sure he does.
[ Surely Adolphe would have been able to tell and see for himself. ]
..He's got a soft heart. [ It's familiar to someone else they know. Someone who as much as will pretend they don't care, clearly care a lot. Not necessarily going out of their way to hide.. but it's as clear as day when you look.
[ A quiet smile, it sounds familiar. Reminds him of someone from home. They take a sip of the beer again, and oop right beer. Another small scrunch of their face. ]
Stability.. It's kind of the feeling I got from him. A "rock."
[ A rock is often someone's - if not a lot of people's, stability. To lose that kind of anchor... their hand squeezes his a little, hoping for something comforting. ]
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[ he'll sit down in his chair and then place the beer in the third seat for siff to take ]
If people are going to ask me when I'll stop missing my best friend, the answer is never. [ it's really that simple for him ] But... I did get the answer I was looking for. I just wish it didn't come at the cost of even more heartache for someone I care about.
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[ Squishing a bit of that lingering fear to latch onto that bit of warmth, offering an appreciative look as they take the beer to hold. Fingers tapping against the cup. Even though their head tilts. ]
I don't think anyone will expect you to stop. [ Which is said with a bit of a furrowed brow. But that's coming from Siffrin who misses even people they no longer remember. ] ...I was hoping we'd get answers for you, but.
I don't know what I expected.
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... I think after Jing Yuan, there wouldn't be any answer that I would've liked. I do love all of you, after all. [ unashamed, saying the word so easily ]
So... an answer is enough for me.
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[ ..Yves really does say it so easily. So warmly. Siffrin watches him, head tilted and they consider those words. How can he be so sure? And if... he knew everything about some of them.. would Yves still be able to? To say "I love you" so confidently.
They bring up their beer to take a sip. ] Mm, I'm glad you got your answer.
[ ..Bweh. They make a small face. They don't drink a lot of beer actually. ]
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but also he will ask directly: ] Do you not want me to touch you anymore?
[ because he's noticed. the pulling away, the skittishness... and for someone as naturally touchy as yves, he'd rather know so he doesn't accidentally cross someone's boundaries ]
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..Huh?
[ They grip at the cup in their hand almost too tightly. A feeling of panic, a bit of nausea (nonono--) ]
N-No, I.. it's not...
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... I'm not taking it back. I'm still happy to hold onto you, if you're okay with it.
I just... want to be sure you're okay with it. I don't want to give you anything that you dislike.
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You haven't. ..Done anything I dislike, I mean. I just...
[ (It's hard to say. How do you tell someone that most of the time, you don't feel real?) ]
It's not that I.. [ Want to be this way. Their gaze rests on that offered hand, bringing one hand to rest fingertips gently on that palm. The smallest of pokes. ] Sorry. I don't know how to explain it.
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... you don't have to, if it's difficult. [ patiently ] I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, and if it never comes, that's alright too.
I just didn't want to do something to make you unhappy.
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But no, Siffrin is a coward. Even so, they settle with slowly resting their gloved hand in his. ]
..I've never been unhappy with you. [ Yesterday was a bit of an opener, to feel it from the other side. To be unsure if their own touch was wanted. And even now he still doesn't blame Yves for it. But, with Yves... ] ..Around you, I feel.. normal.
[ And as soon as that admittance come, they feel stupid for saying it. What a weird thing to even say! It's so difficult to ever feel normal, to be anything but normal, however in his company it feels like it sometimes. Like they can be, even if they know they're far from it. ]
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... you are normal to me.
[ softly, reassuring. he'd never thought of siffrin to be otherwise at any point. he'll just gently hold onto their hand then, letting his thumb lightly brush over their knuckles in an automatic gesture ]
It's never occurred to me to think differently.
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But even if for a moment.. Their expression furrows a little but they push the thought away. Offering an easy smile to him, and the smallest of hand squeezes. ]
..Can you tell me something? [ A glance to the photo, taking it in before peering back at Yves with a smile. ] If you don't mind talking about Adolphe. I'd like to hear about.. anything you want to share.
[ A gentle press of one finger to his palm. They want to hear more from Yves. From someone who seems to value his connections greatly. ]
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Sure. I don't mind. I love talking about Adolphe, especially since he's so bad at talking about himself.
[ teasing even his ghost ]
Let's see, what can I say... Adolphe had a really nice house, even though he tries to stay out of the way of the rest of the town. It's quiet and well-maintained, so I think he got really good at keeping up with his chores even after leaving the orphanage.
But... sometimes we'd be gifted enough wine at Courrune that there's no way that I could finish it myself! So I'd show up at his door with Hugo in tow, and then we'd just drink together. They'd always scold me for drinking too much, but they never left me to myself.
Adolphe would bring out his spare pillows and blankets and set up a spot for me, and he'd always triple-check that I was tucked away safe before going to his own bed. For someone who kept to himself so much, he was really good at taking care of me. [ a little huff, amused ] Of people in general but...
Sometimes it felt like... especially me.
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Siffrin remains quiet, but it's clear they're listening, from enjoying hear Yves talk but freely sharing those thoughts and those observations. Their gloved hand turns a little, peering thoughtfully. ]
You are just as important to him as he is to you. [ It's clear to see. To hear. ] He really loves you.
[ Siffrin glances up, thoughtfully. ]
..He did check on me, the morning after the party. Offering water and medicine if I needed. So I did see for myself how he'd go out of his way to check on others even here.
[ Even with someone he didn't really know. Adolphe has a soft heart. ]
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he smiles sadly: ] ... I know. I really love him, too. I hope he knew.
[ for as much as yves says it... it can be difficult, when it comes with such frequently. does the word lose its meaning? ]
That sounds like him... He's used to it. He always has to pick up after us the day after drinking...
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As they think of those they love, would do anything for, but feel that they possibly don't feel the same. Their gaze raises quietly to him before over to the photo again.] .. I'm sure he does.
[ Surely Adolphe would have been able to tell and see for himself. ]
..He's got a soft heart. [ It's familiar to someone else they know. Someone who as much as will pretend they don't care, clearly care a lot. Not necessarily going out of their way to hide.. but it's as clear as day when you look.
That's how it feels anyway. ]
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[ fondly, even as he takes a sip of his beer again ]
But he really was so strong. Way stronger than me. He was my stability, in a lot of ways.
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Stability.. It's kind of the feeling I got from him. A "rock."
[ A rock is often someone's - if not a lot of people's, stability. To lose that kind of anchor... their hand squeezes his a little, hoping for something comforting. ]