[ --Ah. Their hand jerks back as if stung, giving Yves his immediate space. Their chest feels heavy at the sight, an expression full of concern and guilt. Maybe it would have been better to leave him alone after all but. The idea of leaving Yves alone like this would have left them with more regret.
A quick shake of their head, quick to reassure and gently shut down that apology. Words quiet, a gentle murmur. ]
Don't be. You don't need to say sorry. [ Their hands rest on their lap as they sit where they are, fingers curling and uncurling against the fabric of their cloak with small bunches. Wanting to reach out but as always too afraid to. ] If there's.. anything that I can do.
all of this would be easier if there was some way to fix it. yves would get started in a heartbeat. if he knew that there was a way to bring adolphe back immediately, then without a shadow of a doubt, he'd be on his way. but... if he can't manage that, how can he expect anyone else to?
it would be easier, if there was some answer to death. ]
[ For a moment, they stay quiet, carefully and gently they hold their hands out. But they don't reach out and touch him even if they want to so terribly. Wrap him up as he has for them so many times before. Allowing him the option to reach out if he wants it. If he needs it. Afraid to do something that they won't be able to fix.
Releasing a small breath, knowing there isn't anything he can offer in words of clear promise. That with a snap of their own fingers, they can just bring the one he's lost back. But.. ]
..There's hope with the angels. That we can get them back. If the soul is still out there... somewhere, then there's still a chance. [ Siffrin still isn't sure if it really is something that can be done but there's hope in those words, isn't there? In that promise made from the angels? ] With that.. it isn't completely lost yet.
[ Delusional thinking. Overly hopeful. Maybe, maybe. But had it been someone Siffrin knew from home, he would cling on that information so tightly and stubbornly and do something about it themselves. Though, Siffrin would do terrible things for their loved ones as is. ]
[ it's something. yves held onto that hope since the week before for jing yuan and charlie. that's good, he thought. something soothing for jiaoqiu and everyone who loved them both.
when it's adolphe, it makes him so impatient he wants to go running into the void if that means there's even a chance of finding him. ]
... I know. [ softly, acknowledging ] It's just... hard to wait. To not know where he is.
[ a shaky breath ]
He's the type to never admit it... but I'm scared he'll be lonely.
[ Carefully, their hand brushes a thumb against his cheek, avoiding the side with that mask. Wiping a bit of those smudging tears away. Gentle and light, ready to pull back if unwanted. ]
I understand. [ And oh, they do. Yves already is proving to be strong enough to still be here. ] I wouldn't want to wait, either.
[ That's the truth of it. Waiting sounds worse than dying itself. Their voice quiets, listening, before peering back at him. ]
If the other's souls are somewhere, maybe theirs's are with his. Charlie's soul wouldn't let his be lonely. Jing Yuan's too.
[ Quiet soft reassurances. Soothe those worries, chase away those fears. Do something for him after all that he's done for everyone. ]
[ i'm so sorry siff but he's truly so overly sensitive today. the touch without warning startles him again, and he pulls away—especially to have a hand so close to his mask. even though he does mumble out a quick: ] —Sorry. I... sorry.
[ he will be beating himself up for the next month to come ]
.... yeah. They... they'd take care of him.
[ but there is still something torn on yves' expression. to hear just a few days ago I'm glad to have you in my life and afterlife. knowing just how much of a recluse adolphe can be when left to his own devices. yves just wants to be there too. ]
[ If anyone understands, it should be Siffrin- Siffrin who startles so easily at the slightest touch. Siffrin who has started to get a little comfortable with touch, yearning for it, but maybe a bit too comfortable. The second Yves pulls away Siffrin is already moving away to put a clear notable distance between them. There's a shake of their head at the sorry as if to say "it's okay" even though no words come out.
The feeling of guilt sinks heavy in their chest. Stupid stupid. Wasn't the first time hint enough? They're only making it worse for him. But this isn't about them, it's about Yves. They try to suck in a small breath. They try not to think how badly they wish time would go back. ]
Sorry.
[ First and foremost. They shouldn't have tried. Growing quiet again and their arms tuck inside their cloak, gripping at their arms. They're not.. very good at this, are they? Lucas would probably know what to say, Ellie who understands people so well would know what to do... An exhale. ]
..They'll bring him back. [ The angels said they'll "try." ] You'll see him again. Until they do.. don't give up, Yves.
No, no, it's... my fault. I'm sorry. I just... can't today.
[ he can't be touched suddenly, hypocritically, when he is normally the one initiating. when normally a touch upon his cheek would be so meaningful and sweet, today it feels so frighteningly close to something becoming out of his control. and there's already so, so much out of his control. but he shakes his own head, firmly, when siffrin apologies. ]
The problem isn't you. It's never you.
[ in hopes that maybe that can help something, even as he runs a hand through his hair in an attempt to self-soothe. ]
... I'm not giving up. I do want to see him again. No matter what it takes.
Yves. [ Trying for something still gentle, a little firm, but not stern. Not cruel or mean. Nothing that will add to the feeling that it's his fault. He's already going through so much.] ..It's okay. You don't need to explain, to say sorry.
[ Not his fault. How could any of this be his fault? The ache and twist of loss is cruel and Yves is.. probably protecting himself the only way he knows how. Stars know what Siffrin would do in his place.
They don't answer to those other words. Not confirming those thoughts. Just watching on quietly, concern and helplessness churning in their chest. ]
..Okay. [ That should be enough for now. Hopefully. It doesn't feel like they've helped him any but.. their hands grip too tightly at their own arms. ] We'll figure out tomorrow what happened with everyone's help. Find some answers.
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A quick shake of their head, quick to reassure and gently shut down that apology. Words quiet, a gentle murmur. ]
Don't be. You don't need to say sorry. [ Their hands rest on their lap as they sit where they are, fingers curling and uncurling against the fabric of their cloak with small bunches. Wanting to reach out but as always too afraid to. ] If there's.. anything that I can do.
[ Please tell them. ]
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... I wish there was.
[ softly, sadly.
all of this would be easier if there was some way to fix it. yves would get started in a heartbeat. if he knew that there was a way to bring adolphe back immediately, then without a shadow of a doubt, he'd be on his way. but... if he can't manage that, how can he expect anyone else to?
it would be easier, if there was some answer to death. ]
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Releasing a small breath, knowing there isn't anything he can offer in words of clear promise. That with a snap of their own fingers, they can just bring the one he's lost back. But.. ]
..There's hope with the angels. That we can get them back. If the soul is still out there... somewhere, then there's still a chance. [ Siffrin still isn't sure if it really is something that can be done but there's hope in those words, isn't there? In that promise made from the angels? ] With that.. it isn't completely lost yet.
[ Delusional thinking. Overly hopeful. Maybe, maybe. But had it been someone Siffrin knew from home, he would cling on that information so tightly and stubbornly and do something about it themselves. Though, Siffrin would do terrible things for their loved ones as is. ]
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when it's adolphe, it makes him so impatient he wants to go running into the void if that means there's even a chance of finding him. ]
... I know. [ softly, acknowledging ] It's just... hard to wait. To not know where he is.
[ a shaky breath ]
He's the type to never admit it... but I'm scared he'll be lonely.
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I understand. [ And oh, they do. Yves already is proving to be strong enough to still be here. ] I wouldn't want to wait, either.
[ That's the truth of it. Waiting sounds worse than dying itself. Their voice quiets, listening, before peering back at him. ]
If the other's souls are somewhere, maybe theirs's are with his. Charlie's soul wouldn't let his be lonely. Jing Yuan's too.
[ Quiet soft reassurances. Soothe those worries, chase away those fears. Do something for him after all that he's done for everyone. ]
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[ he will be beating himself up for the next month to come ]
.... yeah. They... they'd take care of him.
[ but there is still something torn on yves' expression. to hear just a few days ago I'm glad to have you in my life and afterlife. knowing just how much of a recluse adolphe can be when left to his own devices. yves just wants to be there too. ]
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The feeling of guilt sinks heavy in their chest. Stupid stupid. Wasn't the first time hint enough? They're only making it worse for him. But this isn't about them, it's about Yves. They try to suck in a small breath. They try not to think how badly they wish time would go back. ]
Sorry.
[ First and foremost. They shouldn't have tried. Growing quiet again and their arms tuck inside their cloak, gripping at their arms. They're not.. very good at this, are they? Lucas would probably know what to say, Ellie who understands people so well would know what to do... An exhale. ]
..They'll bring him back. [ The angels said they'll "try." ] You'll see him again. Until they do.. don't give up, Yves.
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[ he can't be touched suddenly, hypocritically, when he is normally the one initiating. when normally a touch upon his cheek would be so meaningful and sweet, today it feels so frighteningly close to something becoming out of his control. and there's already so, so much out of his control. but he shakes his own head, firmly, when siffrin apologies. ]
The problem isn't you. It's never you.
[ in hopes that maybe that can help something, even as he runs a hand through his hair in an attempt to self-soothe. ]
... I'm not giving up. I do want to see him again. No matter what it takes.
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[ Not his fault. How could any of this be his fault? The ache and twist of loss is cruel and Yves is.. probably protecting himself the only way he knows how. Stars know what Siffrin would do in his place.
They don't answer to those other words. Not confirming those thoughts. Just watching on quietly, concern and helplessness churning in their chest. ]
..Okay. [ That should be enough for now. Hopefully. It doesn't feel like they've helped him any but.. their hands grip too tightly at their own arms. ] We'll figure out tomorrow what happened with everyone's help. Find some answers.