That's fine. It's not something everyone can verbalize.
But there's still something in you that gave me gifts even knowing I could die at any time, wanted to protect the people you cared about even when you yourself were hurt, was excited to go camping with friends. I want to know what that person, who likes the stars, was thinking through all of that.
[he grips their hands just a tad more tightly, barely perceptible.]
A part of me feels that way. That it's just an illusion of us playing at people, when we're already damaged. [broken.] I've already lost just about everything in life, so finding happiness in places seems pointless, when it's only going to make it worse in the end to lose it all again.
[...]
But I'll hold on, because I'm not fighting to be happy. I've accepted that I won't be, and that it's not what I'm here for.
No. [what attachment does he have to his own life at this point, really.] But too many people staked part of their lives on mine, and even though most of them are dead and gone, I won't disrespect them or what they fought for by treating my life as worthless.
Even if it means having to go on like this. [...] Like having to stand here being afraid that I'm going to lose you too, right in this moment.
[ ..Afraid? Of losing them? That gets a smile, and a nice feeling in their chest. In a sense, Uruha loves them too, doesn't he? That's what Siffrin thinks in this moment. ]
I'm not going anywhere unless the Universe means for me to. "The Universe leads, we can only follow." It'll be fine.
what can he say here? what can he say, that he actually believes, and that will help siffrin? it feels like there's nothing at all. maybe someone like yves would know. but he's gone, and uruha is what's left.]
[ Their eye widens at those words. Don't go anywhere. Where... where have they heard that before? Somewhere. But who... their chest hurts, but they dip their head and quietly nod.
They won't go anywhere. ..It isn't as if they have much of a choice. They'll stay quiet after this, in which Uruha can spend all the time he wants with them as i free us from this thread. ]
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But there's still something in you that gave me gifts even knowing I could die at any time, wanted to protect the people you cared about even when you yourself were hurt, was excited to go camping with friends. I want to know what that person, who likes the stars, was thinking through all of that.
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Wishful thinking.
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[he grips their hands just a tad more tightly, barely perceptible.]
A part of me feels that way. That it's just an illusion of us playing at people, when we're already damaged. [broken.] I've already lost just about everything in life, so finding happiness in places seems pointless, when it's only going to make it worse in the end to lose it all again.
[...]
But I'll hold on, because I'm not fighting to be happy. I've accepted that I won't be, and that it's not what I'm here for.
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If you're not fighting to be happy, what are you fighting for? ..To exist? To live?
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Even if it means having to go on like this. [...] Like having to stand here being afraid that I'm going to lose you too, right in this moment.
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[ ..Afraid? Of losing them? That gets a smile, and a nice feeling in their chest. In a sense, Uruha loves them too, doesn't he? That's what Siffrin thinks in this moment. ]
I'm not going anywhere unless the Universe means for me to. "The Universe leads, we can only follow." It'll be fine.
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what can he say here? what can he say, that he actually believes, and that will help siffrin? it feels like there's nothing at all. maybe someone like yves would know. but he's gone, and uruha is what's left.]
I'll hold you to that, then. Don't go anywhere.
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They won't go anywhere. ..It isn't as if they have much of a choice. They'll stay quiet after this, in which Uruha can spend all the time he wants with them as i free us from this thread. ]